We all love our college football teams, but we don’t all love them the same way. College football fandom is a spectrum of varying levels of passion, intensity, and devotion. Where you fall on that spectrum depends on the depth of your emotional investment, the commitment you make to your team and…yeah…how crazy you are.
On one end of the spectrum you have the casual fan who catches a few minutes of a game here and there but doesn’t know if his team won or lost until someone mentions it to him in the break room at work on Monday as he is trying to pick out which donut he wants to start his week with. On the other end of the spectrum you have the holy grail of fandom: the die-hard fan who builds his entire life around his fandom. For the die-hard fan, fandom is not something you turn on and off on command, but an all-consuming lifestyle.
Of course, like with most everything else, we all want to believe that we are the cream of the crop, but the truth is real, genuine die-hard fans are far more rare than most people realize because being a die-hard fan ain’t for the faint of heart. It requires a level of commitment that most fans are incapable of even comprehending, let alone living. And, let’s be real, there is more than a little madness to it.
Think your fandom is of the die-hard variety? Well, let’s put it to the test.
I have crystallized die-hard fandom down into 12 essential non-negotiables that comprise a purity test of sorts for die-hard fans. Die-hard fandom is certainly not a one-size-fits-all concept as all fans have different traditions, superstitions, and circumstances, so this list is hardly comprehensive. What it is, however, is a list of the twelve basic things that are true of all die-hard fans.
If you answer “yes” to each of these twelve questions, then you are classified as a die-hard fan in my book. If you answer “no” to even a single question, you are disqualified from die-hard fandom as far as I am concerned. Remember, college football fandom is a spectrum. So, if you don’t qualify as a die-hard fan based on my purity test, it does not mean you aren’t still a fan of your school, it just means that you aren’t as hardcore of a fan as you might think you are.
So, are you really the die-hard fan you think you are? Take the test below to find out…
1.When speaking of your team, you do not refer to it by its proper name. Instead, you refer to your team with a combination of the following pronouns: “we,” “us,” or “our.”
- Example: An Ohio State lamenting the loss to Georgia in the Peach Bowl as they watch the Bulldogs slaughter TCU 65-7 in the National Championship Game: “This should have been us!”
2. There is no “other” team you have an emotional investment in. Your rooting interests in games that you watch that feature two other teams are dictated by a) the outcome that is most beneficial to your team b) a desire to see a team you hate lose or c) your betting interests (in that order)
- Example A: A TCU fan cheers wildly for South Carolina as they steamroll Tennessee to knock the Vols out of playoff contention and, in the process, give TCU one less team to have to worry about jumping them in the rankings.
- Example B: Georgia fans pull for Oregon State to beat Florida – their most hated rival – in the Las Vegas Bowl.
- Example C: An Oregon fan bets on Utah to beat USC in the Pac 12 Championship game and roots for Utah to win him some cash.
3. You never wear the most distinctive color of your PRIMARY rival (even as an accent)
- Example: Georgia’s primary rival is Florida. Orange is Florida’s most distinctive color. Therefore, a Georgia fan can NEVER wear the color orange on his body.
4. During the week of any game, you do not wear the ANY of the colors of the team that you will be playing
- Example: The week of the Michigan-Michigan State game, a Michigan fan cannot wear green and a Michigan State fan cannot wear Navy Blue (or Maize, but who ever wears that color other than Michigan fans?)
5. You watch every play of every game. NO MATTER WHO IT IS AGAINST OR WHAT THE SCORE IS.
- Example A: A Texas fan watches every single play of the 49-0 hate crime the Longhorns committed against Oklahoma in 2022.
- Example B: A USC fan (if they actually exist) watches every play of the Trojan’s 66-14 week 1 beat down of Rice.
6. You did not get married in the fall. EVEN ON A BYE WEEK.
- Note: It may be a bye-week this season, but next year your anniversary may fall on the same Saturday you play Clemson at home. Choices, people.
7. You plan the birth of your children around college football, meaning you have never had a child born from September-December.
- Note: Use your brains. If you have a child at any point during the fall, you are going to be responsible for planning and attending his/her birthday party every year at least until they hit puberty. Do you think your significant other is going to allow you to attend or watch the game with anything close to the type of attention a die-hard fan would? For the true die-hard, this would never be an issue.
8. College football Saturdays are sacred to you and reserved only for watching college football.
- Example A: You do not make a deal with your significant other to getaway for the weekend as long as you get to watch your team’s game.
- Example B: You do not agree to go to the Pumpkin Patch with your wife and kids for the first half of a fall Saturday and then get home in time to watch your team play. A die-hard fan would have established long ago that is not an option.
9. You can name every scholarship player on your team and can identify their number, grade, and position on command.
10. Losses absolutely devastate you and require you to go through the 5 stages of grief before you recover (and you never really recover from the worst losses)
- Example: After losing the 2018 National Championship Game on the infamous 2nd-and-26 play, a Georgia fan first denies that he saw what he just saw, then lashes out in anger, then tries to rationalize and make sense of the loss, follows that up with a depression that hits like a ton of bricks, and then finally comes to terms with the loss (kind of).
11. You have never dated, let alone married a fan of a rival school
- Example 1: An Alabama fan cannot date or marry on Auburn fan. That violates the basic laws of a die-hard fan’s universe.
- Example 2: A Notre Dame fan can marry an Arizona State fan. There is no crossover.
12. You follow recruiting and know every player, their position, and their ranking before they are ever even officially on your team’s roster.
If you took my test and you didn’t make the cut, don’t worry, there is no shame in that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you don’t qualify as a die-hard fan. In fact, if you fail this test, you are the normal one. Die-hard fans are the bizarre creatures with eccentric lifestyles that live amongst the masses of sane and rational people in the country. We are the freaks and we are proud of it.